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i've really REALLY enjoyed my time alone this year. i'm living alone for the 1st time in years. i've lived a higher more privileged existence this year more than any other in the last 10 years of my adult life. i honestly want for so little. i'm lucky like that at this point.
it's SO nice (especially) on the weekends when i can just shut the door, lock the deadbolt, & do whatever i want whenever i want. there's no empty bitch around who needs attention or booze or whatever easy-way-out vices used to "pretend" we're having "fun". i can paint. i can listen to whatever music i want. watch whatever i want. like tonight: i watched a couple shows on Lennon in NYC & another about the effect the Beatles had on Russian youth. Then i continued working on a new portrait i've been painting while finally having the opportunity to listen to the last Killing Joke album which i've had forever but have been listening-wise pre-occupied elsewhere....then mixed a couple of my new tracks & watched this PBS Warhol thing i've probably seen 50 times but can never get enough of. All the while i don't have to worry about whatever 3-ring circus the typical cunts need around them to feel like they're not "boring" (when they're boring as FUCK of course).
these are the days when i soberly look up at the 5-10 untouched bottles of booze standing above my kitchen cabinet & realize how much more they're there for everyone else...so when one of my night prowlers rings my buzzer at 4 in the morning i have a proper libation for their (already drunk) ass....& of course they know this because i'm the one who's always prepared like a boy scout in such matters.
it's ironic how long i suffered through a horrible personal relationship & trying to make Strap-On Sweetie work with people that it wouldn't work with & once i got rid of both of those pariahs: i've lived like a fucking king & am happier & more monied than ever. it's dark except for the red bulbs that illuminate it & except for the ocassional visit from my cat it's peaceful & silent & requires ZERO maintenance....in fact when the streets quiet down i can hear the waves of the lake crashing onshore & that's all i need.